I Don't Have Enough Middle Fingers For All Of You.

My name is Matt. I'm from Rhode Island. I enjoy blogging and I am an avid farter.

I have 258 pieces of candy for tomorrow night. Last year, we had about 130 kids and I ran out so I went a little overboard this time. Now it’s going to rain, I guess.
By the time the kids actually start ringing my doorbell, I’m estimating there will be about 238 pieces of candy. I would love to say that I’m joking, but since I wrote that first bullet point I’ve already eaten two. At this rate I might not need to turn my light on tomorrow.
Halloween should be from 6 pm to 8:30 pm. If you ring the doorbell after I turn the light off you should be drawn and quartered and I should get all your candy.
My son is going out as an old man, so I went to Salvation Army today and bought him an ugly yellow sweater. While I was there I found a golf-type windbreaker shirt that I bought for myself. It has the official state seal and reads State Of Rhode Island Attorney General. It’s all official and shit. I will post a picture of it when it comes out of the dryer. It’s awesome.
Now that I have my official State Of Rhode Island Attorney General Golf Windbreaker shirt, I won’t have a lot of time to hang out on Tumblr because I have a large caseload and election season is already upon us.
Currently on my third candy. 
I have pants for sale if anybody is interested. Best offer or I would be willing to trade for some larger pants.
  • 30 October 2013
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