I Don't Have Enough Middle Fingers For All Of You.

My name is Matt. I'm from Rhode Island. I enjoy blogging and I am an avid farter.



     This is the dutch elm tree that’s in my neighbor’s yard. It’s massive. The second picture is from google maps, and it shows how huge it is in relation to everything else (it’s the tree just left of center). Dutch Elm disease has wiped out hundreds of thousands of trees in the United States since it was first reported in 1928. I have a feeling that this one has finally fallen victim to it. The leaves have been turning brown since early summer, and there seems to be a large number of woodpeckers visiting it daily. I am no authority on the subject, but I’m assuming the birds are feeding on the elm bark beetle, which is known to spread the disease. This is all uneducated guessing on my part, but something is clearly wrong with the tree, and it bothers me. It’s one of my favorite things about living here. Losing that tree would completely change how the neighborhood looks, and my house (which is in the shade almost always) would be ten degrees hotter in the summer. 

     I hope I’m wrong.

Lisa and I heard a thump in the middle of the night last night. I thought it was the dog. It wasn’t. A fairly large branch fell through my neighbor’s fence. The tree is being removed soon. Hopefully before it lands on my house.

Dag Nasty - Matt

Tell me, Matt
How do you do it?
You walk the line without ever losing it
You can rest assured
Another hit won’t do you any harm

If you don’t know why I’m posting this, it’s not for you.

You can still listen to it.

This wasn’t what I had in mind when my Long Island Italian girlfriend moved in with me.

Lisa Just Left

for New York. It’s 4:42 am. She’s been here for 19 days straight, which is the longest succession of days we’ve ever spent together. She’ll be back in two. Before she moved here, every visit was spent discussing how soon one of us was leaving and how much it sucked that we had to. We would endlessly discuss possibilities for the next visit one way or the other. It seemed like most of our time together was just us dreading the moment when it was time to leave.

This time, it was just I’ll be home on Saturday.

I just want to point out

that that quiet, nagging voice that tells me to call in sick at least once a week is something I should listen to because today it rained all day and I had a 40-foot trailer loaded to the back door with 1600 cases of beer and I left the house at 7:30 this morning and I JUST FUCKING WALKED BACK IN at 11:30 pm and my bulkhead/basement door that I just blew $1100 on a month ago leaked into the basement where I JUST FUCKING MOVED ALL MY STUFF AND LISA’S STUFF TO and Lisa had to clean it up while I was at work and she did a great job but I swear I’m never not calling in sick again.

Also, I didn’t break a single case of beer today which I never do. I mean I never don’t. I never don’t break something. I break shit. All the time. Still should have called in sick.

Okay, good night.


You’re actually going to work?Have you looked outside?Seriously, you took the day off once because we ran out of Rice Krispies, but two inches of rain is expected and you’re going in?Give me the phone. We’re bagging it.

You’re actually going to work?

Have you looked outside?

Seriously, you took the day off once because we ran out of Rice Krispies, but two inches of rain is expected and you’re going in?

Give me the phone. We’re bagging it.

I think I’ll go work outside for 10 hours.

I think I’ll go work outside for 10 hours.

Two on Flickr.

Two on Flickr.